The Magnum Baron Is Dead…
…incidentally, Osama Bin Laden is, too. But that’s another story.
I have a crush on Belgium. I lived there when I was an awkward seventeen year old. As any former exchange student would agree, your exchange country will own a piece of your heart forever. Belgium is where I became aware of the world outside of my hometown. It is where I learned to hold my beer and say unladylike words in several foreign languages er… transitioned from teenager to (semi) grown up. It is also where I became vividly aware of the pleasures of la gastronomie européenne – read: flaky pastries, crackly bread, good wine, and the best chocolate in the world. Today I am sharing with you a dramatic breaking news story involving some seriously incredible Belgian ice cream…
Fellow Canadians, pay attention, this concerns you…
In a surprise statement from the lawyers of the Magnum Empire, It was announced that
Baron Leopold Ferdinand Von Magnum the Third, founder of the Magnum Ice Cream bar
company, died at 72.
His infamous ‘Magnum Bar’, a phenomenon across Europe, was the realization of a life-long
dream for the Baron, who was reportedly descended from 16th century Belgian Chocolate
royalty. According to those close to the Baron, it was his ultimate goal to create, quote, “the
most pleasurable ice cream bar the world has ever known. Ever.”
The luxurious bar was released only recently in Canada to wide celebration and will reach
widespread distribution this May 2011, making the news of the Baron’s death all the more tragic.
As for his family, who were, quote, “devastated” at the loss…it was quite a different scene
outside his lawyer’s office.
According to a statement released only hours ago, all family members have been cut from the
will …causing a public display of outrage from his daughter, socialite Josephine Fortune Von
Magnum, and his wife, Henrietta Coco Von Magnum.
But wait…this story is about to take a whole new twist. In a surprising announcement at the end
of his will, Von Magnum declared a public search be carried out…to find a new heir.
This is totally unprecedented. He’s basically saying, he’s willing to give it all away to the
right person. The Baron actually states in his will that he’s looking for an heir or heiress who
understands that “a day without pleasure is a day lost”. A mantra he himself apparently lived by.
Belgian chocolate? Yes please! Luxurious ice cream? Twist my rubber arm. Becoming the new heir to the Belgian ice cream empire? OUI, s’il vous plait, merci.
Follow Magnum Heir on facebook to stay on top of the story as it unfolds, and stay tuned for more on Belgian deliciousness (and on becoming the new heir…).