Hi guys! I was surprised and so touched at how many people reached out to me after my Happy April post. I try not to talk too tooooo much about mom stuff, but since there’s a group of you out there who doesn’t seem to mind, I thought I’ll keep it up. It’s so nice to have this little online community to share with.
And also, because my brain is a such a sieve lately, this may just be my only shot at remembering these years of my life. My memory is so bad that I gave up aluminum-containing antiperspirant, for fear that I was getting early onset Alzheimers. I have to say important things out loud to myself to make to avoid disasters and overdose.
I turned off the barbecue gas.
I took two extra-strength tylenol.
Also, I walked the dog without the dog for the second time recently. At least this time I remembered to bring him out of the apartment, but when I decided to pop in to the grocery store halfway through, I tied him up outside and totally forgot him when I came back out. I made it all the way back home without him, when the entire purpose of the walk was to walk the dog.
Why is this? Well, for WEEKS off and on there has been one child or the other keeping me awake all night in a sleep-annihilating succession of teething, food poisoning, growth spurts and colds. Once, the baby just had farts that had him squawking all night. Seriously. Farts. Not pain, he wasn’t screaming or crying, he would just call out every time one was on its way and then go back to sleep.
(I decided that when he’s a teenager I’m going to wake him up at 3 o’clock in the morning to tell him when I have to fart. That made me feel much better.)
So I’m sleep deprived. And then for all their waking hours, each child commands 110% of my attention, urgently and loudly, and in different directions. I’m busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger with an itch. It’s like trying to pat my head and rub my belly while listening to a tv show in English and talking on the phone in French.
By 8:30 am (at which point I’ve already been up for 2-3 hours), I feel like this.
And now I can totally relate to my mom when she used to say, “Jennifer, I have one nerve left and you’re tap dancing on it”. (And I probably quite literally was, because I really liked to practice my tap dancing on the tile floor where it was extra tappy. I’m really sorry, mom.)
But seriously, my nerves. While the little one is delivering tiny items to his throat in an enthusiastic manner, the large one is removing his pants in the kitchen, shrieking “I HAVE TO PEE!”. I am permanently jumpy, like I’ve just had sixteen shots of espresso.
I have never mentally felt so close to the edge. Like this cat.
How do people have three kids? (Or more. My god, some people have MORE.) Tell me, how does a human being have so much mental capacity to spare? So many eyeballs to keep on dirt-eating, electric-socket-sticking, laundry-soap-drinking rugrats? If you have more than two children, please tell me how you remember to bring your dog when you walk your dog. I want all your secrets.
On the flip side, my older boy turned 3 today. My sweet, chatty, witty, storytelling, horse-loving, always-one-step-ahead-of-me Theo, who is pictured above making his own birthday cake, and again (seconds later), when he de-pantsed himself and was about to produce a puddle.
That’s life right now. Blessed chaos. I’m gonna go face-plant on the floor now, k? Preferably with my mouth aimed at leftover birthday cake.