As you might have guessed, I’m having a particularly reflective January. Last year was a significant one for me. It started with a new baby added to our little family and was filled with wonderful, sweet moments. Also, absolute chaos. And in the whirlwind, I got more accomplished work-wise than in any year previous. Everything about 2016 left me a bit winded and confused. Like, wait. What?
I had so many feels last year. I spent much time feeling guilty for working (in Canada, we get a full year of government-paid maternity leave so working in the first year after having a baby is almost unheard of). Guilty, even though the time I spent working actually made me a better, more rested, more sane, more patient mom.
And on the complete flip side, I’d spend many of my non-guilt moments struggling with the feeling I wasn’t doing enough and was in this dizzying, self-imposed vortex of scrambling to keep up. With who? I don’t really know.
Then in the middle, I spent a lot of time feeling really confused about my identity as a mom, an individual, a person largely employed in social media – it’s all very perplexing for my delicate mind. So many requirements for time and competition for attention.
Not to mention the physical demands (recovering from a c-section, breastfeeding, interrupted sleep, two back sprains from lifting children).
I spent most of the year like this:
I’m just glad I wrote a few personal blog posts to freeze a handful of moments or I don’t think I’d remember anything of 2016.
But I feel a total new peace with the new year. Like I kind of woke up. I fell into step with myself and all the many hats I wear. I finally exhaled. Maybe baby hormones finally ironed themselves out, I don’t know. (So to new moms in that early phase, you will find yourselves again.)
Anyway, I’ve been jotting down thoughts since the start of the month and wanted to put them out there before the month ended. No earth-shattering revelations, except I think being a woman in 2016 was wonderful and hard and very confusing and we should all squeeze each other’s hands and make encouraging eye contact and give enthusiastic high fives and say “you’re doing great, sister” way more often.
Have a good Friday, lovelies, thank you for being here with me through the last year. For making me laugh, sharing your stories, for your encouraging words, and just for listening.